Does Therapy Work for Men Who Do Not Like Talking?

Many men say some version of the same sentence before they start therapy: I am not really a talker. It is usually said with a small apology, as if it disqualifies them.

It does not. Most men who come to see me are not talkers in the way they imagine therapy requires. They have spent years being useful, solving problems, getting on with it. Language for feelings was never part of the training. What they have instead is a long habit of noticing what needs doing and doing it.

Therapy for men who find talking hard does not begin with talking about feelings. It tends to begin with something more ordinary. What has been happening lately. What is wearing you down. What you would do differently if you were not so tired. These are questions a man can answer, and the feeling language comes later, often without either of us forcing it.

Silence is allowed in the room. I do not fill it for you, and I do not treat it as a failure. Sometimes a man sits quietly because he is thinking, and sometimes because the thing he needs to say has not found its words yet. Both are part of the work.

It also helps to know that therapy is a relationship before it is a technique. You are not being asked to perform openness. You are being asked to turn up, and over time to notice what happens between us. Many men find that the trust grows slowly and then quite suddenly, usually when they realise they have said something they have never said aloud.

If you are reading this because someone told you to go, or because you have run out of other ideas, that is a reasonable place to begin. You do not have to be convinced before the first session. You only have to be curious enough to see what it is like.

Inner Warrior Therapy offers psychotherapy for men in Falmouth, Cornwall and online across the UK. If you would like to talk about working together, you are welcome to send an enquiry. To read more about how I work with men, see Psychotherapy For Men.